Hi,

I've been feeling a little odd lately and I wonder if anyone can help me.
I began feeling strange at the end of last October, I put it down to the flu at the time but since I'm still feling unwell I think there's definitely more to it.
Most of my symptoms all seem to fit the symptoms of clinical depression, but I wonder if anyone can relate to what I'm feeling and advise whether or not it is depression.

I have a lot of the classic depressive symptoms - I've been feeling generally weak and constantly tired, I seem to have lost interest in everything I used to like, and I just feel kind of numb and dead inside, like someone has sucked my soul out of me. Nothing seems to matter any more, and I've been feeling constantly anxious and on edge over the last few months.

What worries me most, though, are the uncontrollable disturbing thoughts that I can't seem to get rid of. They aren't the classic depressive thoughts about suicide or death, however - instead they're of a more philisophical nature. I keep wondering to myself whether anything actually exists, or whether it's all just a dream or a figment of my imagination, and I even started wondering whether I myself actually exist. Obviously these thoughts are quite distressing, but I just can't knock them out of my mind. I know that they're crazy and stupid, and I don't actually believe them to be true as such - I'm not delusional - but they still carry on cropping up and bugging me. I'm terrified that I'm going schizophrenic or something. Is this a normal symptom of depression/anxiety, or am I going crazy?

Also, I haven't seen anyone or sought help yet. What should be my first step? What are people's experiences with antidepressants? Everyone I've spoken to who has been on them says they've been on them for years. I don't like the idea of having to rely on pills to get on with my life, especially for that length of time. Are there any good alternatives that actually work?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.