No severe depression for quite some time.
Been cycling between a hypomanic state and normal. Not feeling 'good,' but its not depression. My anxiety is the best its been for 3 years.
The bad stuff is more thought related than mood related.
I feel a huge amount of pressure not to 'break,' not to cry, not to let anything get to me at all. I've kind of blanked myself, from caring about anything.
I'm usually able to explain how things are, but right now i cant, which is why i feel worried about talking to her at all, because, i have a habit of filling in blanks, explaining things, so essentially lying, because i have to say SOMETHING. I dont realise i'm doing it.

if she asks why i have been self harming, instead of saying, 'i dont know,' which is the truth, i'll justify it, or explain it with some sort of text book answer, or something i have heard someone else say.

I'm in a weird place.