Thanks all for your support. I think it feels worse because I am in a huge depressive stage due to my meds. I am going to try adding an anti-depressant to the mood stabilizer. My general doctor thinks I should go practice in my field for a while. My mother tells me a PhD will better validate me (although, in my field, it doesn't matter if you have a Masters or PhD). My boyfriend is hoping that when he moves in with me (he is in another state) in April (at the latest) that I will do better. Everyone else just says to give it another semester. I feel like I am locked into next semester because I am teaching a class and it's so close. Hopefully, I can get myself together before classes start again. I don't want to go back. I hate the city. I don't feel safe where I live (and my apartment complex won't let me out of my lease).

This is one of the worst times I have felt psychologically and I really don't know how to handle it. I feel angry and, up until a few months ago, I hardly ever felt angry or annoyed at anyone. I normally don't cry and now I'm crying over everything! Lately, I look like the stereotypical person with depression. This may sound weird, but I want my mania back. Yes, I rapid cycle and my episodes are mixed- but at least that goes away after a few hours. These meds are just horrible. I keep telling the doctors that the mania isn't the problems because they're not full-blown episodes, it's the depression.

Regardless, I am locked into another semester. I really, really don't want to go back in January; but that's life right now, I suppose.