Thank you for sharing your issues with your inlaws!! I'm struggling with a similar situation. My husband is the 4th of 8 kids, all of which "re-enacted" various sexual acts with eachother when they were kids... Scary stuff. The oldest is 30 now and the youngest just turned 7, and who knows what goes on behind shut doors, still.... I love the family and can't blame the kids, but it makes me flippin angry that his parents could have been blind to it, and not be doing anything even now that they know! The 7 year old was caught with his same age male cousin doing sexual things to eachother just a few months ago, and while my bro-in-law took his son immediately to counseling, my in-laws have done nothing for the 7 year old. It horrifies me. I also feel like I'm in a "bizzarro world". Like, who thinks this is something to be ignored??!! And when we have children in the future, my husband already knows my rules. My kids won't be playing with their youngest uncles without me in the same room, doors to seperate rooms locked, everything out in the open. That's what the older siblings have done with their own kids. It's unfortunate that I won't be able to drop them off to play at their grandparents' house, but hey, I can't trust them to keep my children untouched. As for you, dealing with it coming from an adult, NO WAY would my kids spend any time with him. Family Christmas once a year? Maybe. But I sure as hell would have my kids dressed in padded clothing so the creep couldn't even see them, and there would be absolutely no hugs, no sitting on his lap, and no communication. If you can control the environment enough, then sure, once a year he can visually see that the grandkids are growing and can speak. That's it. And you should give him a good piece of your mind and explain to him exactly why he won't be a part of your lives.

As for your husband, they say a man doesn't start thinking like a father until the child is placed in his hands. I really believe that when he has a little girl, he'll look at his dad completely differently.