Rose, dear, that's crazy. If you had cancer, you'd go to the doctor. If you had a toothache, you'd go to the dentist. You have depression, as you well know, and that means you have to go to a therapist and a pdoc.

And no, this isn't something you "have to deal with [your]self" Would you say that if you had a broken leg? Don't be silly. To refuse to see a therapist and a pdoc when you're in the condition you describe is just out-and-out wrong. Yes, I know you don't want to see anyone at all. I know you just want to hole up in your room and forget the whole world. Those are symptoms of a disease, the disease of depression.

You can, if you wish and if you pass your courses, keep on doing this for a number of years, like I did in college. My alma mater didn't require attendance at courses. All you had to do was show up for and pass the final exams, which I did. The rest of the time I was locked in my room. Three years. You don't want to do that! That's a RIDICULOUS waste of time! And a waste of your life!

Get yourself down to the campus therapy office and sign up for as soon an appointment as possible. Don't fuss and moan, just DO IT! There's no reason to be "lost" about this! You're sick and you need treatment! NOW! And take care.