Dominque,

I feel very passionately about this topic, as my family is sick too. There is no way I could have anything to do with the FIL. It really bothers me that your husband knows about the incest of his sister, yet still wants his father to play a role in his children's lives. I cannot believe that he'd be so forgiving!

It seems to me as though your hub's family still have their heads in the sand. WTH would you even want to bring up the father's past in his defense in court?? To me, that defense solidifies that bad habit of criminal sexual and social injustices committed by the defendant.

It may seem as though the family is being respectful of the wounded, by ignoring the past. However, as a survivor of SA and EA myself, I can assure you that it sounds as though the family is being a lot more supportive of the father by refusing to show him consequences of his behavior towards them. Perhaps your hub was also abused and lives in denial. That's about the only idea that makes some sense to me as to why his family is still "okay" with the father.

Personally, I was the one in my family who came forward to end the sick cycle. It worked. Divided the family ~ it was painful ~ but I also could not stand and watch the cycle repeat itself. That idea was much more painful than the division and sorrow that I did feel.

I hope that you haven't felt as though I pounced on you in attack. I do feel very strongly against your FIL, and have lots of sympathy for you, your hub and his family. I hope that you and your hub do decide to see a counselor, to help both of you work through these thoughts and emotions completely and clearly. I wish you the best!