Samuel,

I can hear the desperation and sadness in your words. I'm so sorry this situation is so hard.

First, you're not alone and I'd strongly suggest you seek out support groups or online forums for people whose partners suffer from mental illness. I know that knowing he isn't alone has helped my husband a good deal.

Second, one thing you say really worries me -- that you're "all she needs". Who says this? Is it you, or her? Because it's wholly untrue. Your girlfriend really needs to be in therapy. From what you say it sounds like she may say that therapy won't help, that she just IS this way, but that isn't true. That's something I used to think... and now I know I am not the person who freaks out or sleeps all day or self-harms, etc. Those things were symptoms, not character traits.

This kind of ties into another thing that worries me, which is that it doesn't seem like she wants to stop (although correct me if I'm wrong about that, it's just hard to tell). There's no shame in not feeling ready to stop, but there needs to be a long-term goal of finding other ways to deal with the pain.

I'm glad you're so willing to try to help her. But don't feel bad that you alone can't "save" her. You are clearly doing everything you can. What she needs someone who is trained to deal with problems like hers. My husband and my therapist have two different roles in helping me deal with depression, and they are both really important -- but they're different. It's like if I had any other type of illness... my husband would provide one kind of support, and whatever specialist I would need to see would provide another. But neither one can be both things.

Please take care of yourself and do seek some support for your own self. And urge her to see a therapist -- if the only thing she needed was someone loving to talk to, she'd be getting better, because you seem like a very loving partner. But she's not, and that means there are underlying problems best handled by a professional.