Dear Little Yellow Spider,

It sounds to me like this sexual experience with Joe was very traumatic for you. Whether you recognize it as overt or subversive trauma, it seems like that experience had a serious impact on you. Stemming from this event, it seems that you have developed an aversion to sex.

I would suggest that you look into resources about Sexual Anorexia and the way in which life events can lead someone to avoiding intimacy and sexual contact. Take time to heal yourself and get to the core of why sexual contact is "extremely gross" for you. Individual therapy with a therapist that understands sexual anorexia would be a great tool for you to regain a healthy sexuality that is trusting, comfortable and meets your emotional needs.

Best of Luck.