"Anger turned inward", "anger at self", I totally understand that as well, I am not a very assertive person, I don't like creating confrontation/conflict and I sometimes feel that 'demanding' respect is creating conflict.
In the past I have been way too quick to say 'yes' to things I haven't wanted to and it is something that I am better at. Those moments were moments that I related to being a "welcome mat" when talking things out with my friends.
I feel my mentality is that the only way that others will accept me is to help them. I just recently lost a friend of 15 years because I did not respond back to them the way they felt I ought to. They may no longer want me to be a part of their life but I will still keep them in my thoughts.