Rage ran through me for years while living in a very abusive home. Having to mask my anger caused depression. After I left home, I thought all would be well. Not so. Wounded memories from the war at home came with me.

Years later I heard a phrase regarding depression that made sense: anger is fear in disguise. It has to do with loss. Identify what you are afraid of losing and you are on your way to gaining back your power and finding healthy solutions.

As I thought back over the years, I felt helpless in the overpowering dominance of my dad's sick and twisted mind games in cahoots with my mother's mental illness. Fear was an appropriate reaction; staying afraid, however, changed the chemicals in my brain that caused hypervigilence throughout my life until crashing and having to go on medication (a lifesaver). I sought a supportive, knowledgeable therapist to help me rewire my brain from PTSDs damage.

The rage is gone. I seldom get angry. When I do, I thank my body for the warning signal and then get with my program by asking, "What do I need that I'm not getting?" Then I turn it around and ask, "What am I getting that I'm not wanting?" Boundary violations are always involved: I've either expected something from someone else who didn't understand my request or didn't want to "play" or I have let someone inside my personal space when I didn't really want them to be. Either way, verbal work is in order. Taking back my power and owning my feelings gives me confidence to speak without having to turn up the volume of drama for better "effect," which only reveals weakness (codependence on the other person to cooperate or else). I no longer beg for cooperation, nor expect others to do my personal work for me. I seek interdependence with some people I value but never at the expense of my independence. Codependence is no longer "attractive" to me.

I am almost 65, so this didn't all come over night. But when I "got it" my life got tons better and those around me did too because the gamers no longer found me "fun," but the healthier people in society did. Susan Quinn