I thought we had gotten to a point in our recovery where I could turn to her for help in my recovery. I was wrong. I wrote to her to see if she had any information on something that may have happened when I was a kid that would account for the rage I feel when I have to find anything at all. She wrote back and said she couldn't think of anything then she started talking about my son and how when I was in the hospital they took him to lunch and he was running a knife over his wrist. When they told him to stop it he said "Mommy did it." She thinks that is why he continues to cry over the death of our cat and his grandpa.

Why would she bring that up right now? Is it a knee jerk reaction to the fact that I was curious about why I am so (place expletive here) up? Is it just another jab? ARGH. I feel bad enough about the pain I have caused my kids already. I am trying. I have done a whole (another expletive) of a lot more to help my kids cope with my illness then she ever even attempted when I was a kid. Is she jealous of me because I am aware of what my kids are going through and want to help them. Does she look at me as being more successful at parenting and resent it? All I know is it really (another expletive) me off.
Sorry for cussing so much,
Carrie

<font color=green>But the implicit and usually unconscious bargain we make with ourselves is that, yes, we want to be healed, we want to be made whole, we're willing to go some distance, but we're not willing to question the fundamental assumptions upon which our way of life has been built, both personally and societally.--Bill Plotkin, Soulcraft