After reading some of your opinions and doing a good bit of thinking of my own (that's kept me up half the night), I've decided to cut the crap and go ahead and say to T what I really want to say:

T, do you know how hard it was for me to open up to you last week? *Do you really know? *The rejoicing that I finally did it is over; now the trepidation is setting in. *I gave you part of my heart; not in the way of a lover or a friend, it's different. *I see you as a mother figure, but it's different from that also. *I allowed myself to be vulnerable to you with my heart laid bare like it hasn't been in years by telling you what you really mean to me. *I can only compare it to standing naked in a cold rain. *I'm cold, I'm afraid, I'm embarrassed, I'm unprotected, I'm alone. *I am eventually going to tell you things I've never told anyone before. *My heart is open and others have seen glimpses of it and it has been positive overall, but I know I'm only standing at the beginning. *I'm trying so hard, I'm trying to trust you and God but it is so difficult for me sometimes. *I know God wants me to do this, He wants me to heal, He wants me to open up to you, yet I struggle. *I want to run away. *I want to shut down. *I want to rebuild my walls. *But I don't want to let Him down; I don't want to let myself down. *I gave you my heart...please don't break it. *You are never far from my thoughts and you're always in my prayers. *I love you so much T. *There are times when I hug you that I don't want to let go and I wish you could just hold me like a mother would and comfort me because my mom couldn't do that for me, but I always let go because I don't want to think I'm a freak or weird or attracted to you sexually. When you sat with me on the couch when Doodle died, I wanted to just lean over and put my head on your shoulder or grab your hand and hold it, but I was afraid you'd reject me. *Do I ever affect you like I told you about my client in my email? *Do you ever think of me outside of these four walls? *I guess what I want to know is: have I managed to get into your heart? *Do you see me as a person, not just a client?