i guess this discussion board is becoming an interactive diary for all of us...
im sure nobody really cares about my plight as much as i do.
but i suppose the urge to express myself is now exceeding my logic.

i have become very confused... maybe i should title this confusion.
maybe i should title it memory loss... dilerium...
i read that it could be schizophrenia...
lol
i think im only half (no not even half) admitting this to myself.
i have become so indecisive that it interferes with my life.

im so consumed with conspiracy theories that im unable to pursue my education....
i keep thinking that i dont need college. that i will expose all the truth about the whole conspiracy of life. answer the BIG question... you know, "what is the meaning of life".
i have a serious problem.
my mind is my problem and its consuming me.
every day i feel like its the first day of my life.
i feel like its all new to me.
its a strange feeling that everything is unfamiliar.
i dont remember people who seem to think we have been friends.
i dont remember conversations. apparently i end up doing the same things, saying the same things over and over, week after week.
i feel as if im meeting someone for the first time, then they look at me strange and tell me weve already met and so on...

i really do not like this situation.
i want out of the deep hole i have sunk into.
and i can see it ... "reality" i mean. its just beyond my grasp... just barely out of reach, and slipping further and further away.