You HAVE her attention, if that's what you mean by "getting to her". What does that mean to you in terms of your childhood? This is about YOUR feelings, not T's. Why are you "baiting" her? I think that's what Anne is saying - yes, you have an influence. Why do you feel you don't? I recognize this - your clients love you, your friends love, your T loves you - but love at home was conditional on your being smart? This is a hot topic for me, because my whole identity for years was wrapped up in being an 'A' student, then it just became a sick stupid joke in the family, the whole reality of it, of me, was denied. I'm still lost.

So I see a lot of the same hyperness in you that's in me, no offense! I love me! Too much, some people here might say! Hey, it's a tough job, but someone's gotta do it. It wasn't getting done at home. I remember telling one T about being surprised that a store clerk reecognized me - that's how invisible I felt.

What is your T's prognosis? You don't have to answer here, but do you talk about it, and have you made plans for if the worst happens, or if she becomes temporarily unable to work? I AM concerned that I don't know more about this, ie just that you might be in denial about it? Did I not read something you posted, or do you feel pretty secure at this point about her health? Is this what she is waiting for you to ask about? Her becoming unavailable would repeat your mother's unavailability - then what?