Wow, Open Eyes you always give such good explanations.

If it's okay I'd like to explain about my situation more? It's been torturing me for 4 years and has really affected who I am as a person. (I fear I will never be the same person after having experienced these emotions and thoughts)

You're right in saying I am intelligent. I know I am, at least, intelligent enough to do the work. but, for example, this last semester, midterms came up, then I had papers to do for the midterms right? This was the beginning of my break down.

I pretty much stopped doing work after midterms. I would fake doing my homework, and i managed to do the projects for one class but not for the others. I stopped going to class on time, I'd arrive late, having to drag myself out of bed. As I said before my hygiene dropped.

This past semester I was on prozac and I have never experienced lethargy without it during semesters. But what would happen is that I would have tremendous anxiety that would paralyze me (again around midterms) and then I'd do escapist things to try to get away from that feeling that it'd hurt me.

There's something about processing writing a paper that kills me. It takes so long for me to write a paper, it's ridiculous. I don't know what is going on with me.

I used to think I was a good student, and i was, I was in the National Honor Society in high school, as well as the National Society of High School Scholars.

Now I can barely pull a C in college. It makes me feel horrible.

I have considered that I have ADHD inattentive type and i went on stratterra for it but the anxiety would still paralyze me, and it made me twitch a lot, so i stopepd taking it out of fear that the twitches would become peramanent.

I also stopped taking prozac beacuse I realized it was making me lethargic and I was just trying to give myself enough energy to get through this past semester (which i got 3 c's in and one A).

i tried changing my schedule so I would have a consistent sleep schedule and i tried that during my leave of absence i took at college but that broke down as well.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Someone might just tell me I am lazy but that wouldn't help the intense loathing I feel towards myself.