I am wondering if it might involve a few things. You begin with a good outlook and as the days shorten? and the schedule hastens? perhaps it is simply more than you can take in as you are conveying here. Perhaps as you begin to HAVE to process and pick up the pace of using the frontal part of your brain, while you can do that, you become very fatigued. What may be happening is your anxiety levels increase and when that occurs you react with mental exhaustion and your SI idealation is simply because as your expressing here, you experience very deep anger and displeasure in yourself.

It may be better for you to educate yourself in a much more low key way. Instead of experiencing the whole work load to a point where you cannot function, a lighter work load may be something you CAN handle. There is no point in going down the road to further your education if every time you do, you end up not truely progressing at all.

Think of it this way. If someone told you that you had to run around a football field 10 time every day for months without taking the time to assure that you were brought up to that level of activity gradually where you could sustain that program, you would physically break down at some point with physical strain and exhaustion. However if you only had to do small portions of that field gradually working in more distance, you would easily get to a point in time where you wouldn't harm yourself and you could go the distance.

A vigorice educational routine is not for everyone you know. It is not a lack of intellect, it is simply that everyone is different, not everyone can handle that environment. You may have some learning disability that your not aware of, thats all. Or you may not be as athletic intellectually as others, not your fault.

Just food for thought Sophia. I think you need to learn at a level you can, not at what society deems. We are not all track stars you know, each one of us has to discover our own unique learning styles. And it is not unusual for many students to struggle keeping up with a college scehedule.

(((((Hugs)))))

Open Eyes