Thanks for all the responses and support.

I know that everyone sees what I"m doing as a huge sacrifice for my fiance, but the thing is, he brought me out here and I didn't have to get a job in the first place. He was allowing me to take the time to figure out how to get my life in order. Before we moved, I was in school, I was miserable, I couldn't hold down a job at all and I was all but failing out of school. The way I see it is that he gave me my time, so I am giving him his time.

When we moved here, I set myself some personal goals -- get a job, go back to school, finish my degree. Then I either want to continue my education or get a real job in a museum, a library, or a publishing company. That first goal? I did it. I did it three times over. Technically four. I am extremely proud of that. And I wouldn't have been able to do it without him. My next goal -- well, that one hit a few road blocks, but I'm still working towards it. I'm planning on going back to school next semester as a non-degree seeking student, so that the school can see I am a good student, I can do the work, and I do belong there. Once they see I can get the grades, get professor recommendations, and all that, I'm hoping they'll let me in as a degree student (and give me credits for the courses I'm taking next semester). The only problem is trying to pay for it. I can't get federal student loans because I'm not getting a degree at the moment. After the holidays, I'm going to stop into some local banks and find out if I can get private student loans or just plain regular loans. A lot of people are telling me not to go back to school right now, simply to worry about my job. But to me, this is more important. I'm almost 25 and don't have a degree beyond high school. I know I"m still young and I do have time, but I need to do this for me. I always wanted to be well into my career before I even thought about having kids, and if I do decide to have kids, I want to have them when I'm 30. I have no idea how long it will take to get my degree. To me, this is important to do it now. I just have to figure out how...

My fiance is really trying. He's working right now, almost 11 hours a day. He's applying to go back to school to get his masters in teaching. He would be able to get student loans, which might help pay for rent. He's also got an interview set up for a bike shop in early January. There's also the possibility of the job where he's at now could maybe become permanent (he has to apply, and I'm not actually sure if there's any open positions but he would already have his foot in the door). Also, they do tuition reimbursement. If he gets in to school, he'll also look into teaching assistantships for grad students.

We're also planning on moving into a smaller/cheaper apartment after our wedding in June, and I'll be able to take the buses for free once I start school. As an absolute last resort, I have some money in bonds my parents got me when I was a baby, and my fiance has said we can take out a loan from his parents (again, these are last resorts).

I know we'll be okay for the next two months. I honestly can't worry beyond that because I don't know how things will be. It seems like every month, I realize we'll be okay for another month beyond what I thought we would be okay for. We're starting to make cuts where we can (hello pasta every night for dinner and pb and j every day for lunch). Right now, though, I am dealing with a lot of stress and anxiety, and every so often it bubbles up and I can't control it. By the end of January, I'll be down to only two jobs, and I"ll probably be able to make up more hours at one of the others, so I think things will balance out okay. I'm also actively looking for better jobs for myself as well.

I really appreciate all the advice and the concern I received. I also realize that today is a good day, and things seem a lot better to me now. Tomorrow could be different. I have to keep my head up right now. Might be time to bring out the crayons and coloring books to help self-soothe at night

Thanks again, everyone. I'll try to keep you updated. Irreplaceable, please feel free to use this thread as your own as well. Feel free to vent, look for ideas, anything. I"m glad I"m not alone in going through this.