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Have you ever looked into researching body dysmorphic disorder? It sounds a lot like what you're experiencing, especially if you do suffer from an eating disorder. If you have T, maybe you should bring this up with them?
All the best. (:
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“For a long time I believed the opposite of passion was death. I was wrong. Passion and death are implicit, one in the other. Past the border of a fiery life lies the netherworld. I can trace this road, which took me through places so hot the very air burned the lungs. I did not turn back. I pressed on, and eventually passed over the border, beyond which lies a place that is wordless and cold, so cold that it, like mercury, burns a freezing blue flame.”
― Marya Hornbacher, Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia
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