...my life happened to me...or I happened to it.

it's just been such a battle. I have bad thoughts, bad memories.

sometimes I do ok but then I get overwhelmed with the world and in my head it's impossible...bpd confusion and relationship woes...and nothing good seems to last for long no matter how hard I try

I am resentful and jealous of people doing well...but I don't want wish them bad times because I will feel worse still.

I feel I'm getting nowhere at all...expect to be alone because I am so difficult...I am not at peace as I search for why? and what? and how?

so even ok times are complicated and wear me down...and I eventually hit real low and that brings about additional problems.

I push everybody away.....I have a bunch of 'diagnosed' issuses that inter-relate and interact.

I dwell on ending things ...but I am not at peace enough or something....though I have had attempts that have been traumatising and others downright lucky I guess...but rather not talk about that.

didn't know I had this much to share