Wow guys - thanks for the great responses.
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Originally Posted by rainbow8
A former T told me that we have a real relationship, but it's different from any other relationship. She said that doesn't make it LESS, just different. I think the T-relationship is MORE, not less than most relationships.
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I like this, especially the last part. I think that deep down I realize it HAS to be MORE for real, lasting change to occur.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
She wants us to be curious about why I want to fantasize about her and what needs I'm fulfilling, and how I can meet those needs myself or how others can meet them.
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I have to explore this more. My first reaction was to get into a relationship (not with my T but in a 'Someone like you' kind of way.) BAD IDEA.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I have always told my Ts that they shatter my dreams because they can't give me what I want from them. But, with my current T, it is starting NOT to feel like she's rejecting me. I'm not sure how I got to that point, though it's taken almost 2 years to get there.
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. Your first sentence - yes, that's it. Perhaps I did not get that across to him. And I'm glad to see there is hope for it not feeling so rejected with the experience
.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
Does your T know how you feel? I would encourage you to tell her or him what you posted.
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Yes, but I think I worded it very badly. I also think I brought attention to the wrong things. So ultimately us working through/discussing it just mucked everything up and made things worse.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hankster
So... can I get gross and icky here for a minute and ask some questions about breastfeeding? Is it not true that women experience orgasms while breastfeeding and the contractions help the uterus shrink back to pre-natal size? So - if all of THAT is going on during mother-infant bonding, then an argument can be made for having "happy feelings" during therapy, while you are trying to rewire the ego etc. So instead of feeling rejected that this relationship isn't going anywhere, why not look on this transference discussion you had, like a warm-up exercise in an acting class - it got you in the right mood, it introduced you to the other actors, it loosened you up, and now you're ready for class, for great experiences, that will help you do what you want to do. My previous T used to ask me, about these feelings, "and what's wrong with that?" I was too embarrassed to answer, and we did not have the rapport I have with current T. So I say, put on (or take off) your big girl pants - you're in a safe place - feel your feelings, and do the work. My T likes to say he's just an average guy - well, I don't know about you, but I am hoping to do a little better than THAT. Just think of him as a very weird dentist, that should take the edge off.
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OK, this all makes sense. A similar yet somewhat different perspective than what I had but quite useful, thank you....and
thank goodness this place is anonymous! 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ECHOES
Yes, and while she sits there with her encouraging words and kind demeanor and warm smile, and wants to know about a fantasy, I want to tell her... but I know part of wanting to tell her is about wanting to make the fantasy (not sexual) real and all of her wanting to hear it is just wanting to hear it and explore it. My part is emotional, her part is therapeutic. Because of this, I can't (or won't) always share because it feels so awful to talk about it with her when she is coming from that therapeutic and curious place that feels so distant to me. I know that she cares and I know that these differences make sense on many levels. Still.
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Yes, yes, yes. Very well said. I need to get to the point where I can keep these concepts in my head and get back to the present.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wheeler
I think, at least for me, just saying things outloud takes away a lot of the power and energy that some thoughts have.
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This is a very frustrating thing for me. Saying things aloud
on this particular experience took all the positive power out of them and yet I continue to struggle with the negative feelings I experienced after saying things aloud. In fact, that holds true for most negative thoughts I have. Telling of them puts me right back in the experience like I am reliving it, and it only magnifies the bad feelings. I was reading that the retelling of bad experiences is supposed to do the opposite. It is so so frustrating and upsetting.
Quote:
Originally Posted by wheeler
My T encourages me to talk about anything and everything with her, and then definitely is much easier said than done, but it does help. Alot of times what I think is over-the-top or crazy, she'll normalize for me, or help me understand why I think/feel a particular way. I'm assuming that's what your T is doing for you.
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Yes, but I think I need more help with the 'normalizing' and 'understanding why' part. I don't withhold much (as you can see from this thread
) but I am not getting the benefit from the 'telling'. I am not feeling like things are being worked through enough in the direction they need to go (understanding and resolving) but rather that I am left flailing in the wind. Part of the problem could be my memory. It's never been great but now it is 10x worse because of the stress I am under. Sometimes it is so bad I can't think straight. So when I come into the session in a traumatized state and if we talk about stuff that ups my anxiety levels even further, then my thought processes are pretty much non-existent. Or if they are, I forget so much of the session that it has pretty much been useless.
Thanks again guys for the helpful responses. I think I'll have to print this off and take it to therapy when my T gets back in January. Sometimes I think much better when writing than speaking.