Okay...so here's my updated, clean version of what i plan to read in session today:

Do you know how hard it was for me to open up to you last week? Do you really know? The rejoicing over doing it is over; now the trepidation is setting in. I gave you part of my heart; not in the way of a lover, friend, or mother, I cannot define it. However, I do see you as a mother figure. I made myself vulnerable before you with my heart laid base like it hasn't been in years by telling you what you really mean to me. I compare it to standing naked in a cold rain; I'm cold, afraid, embarrassed, exposed, unprotected, and alone. I am eventually going to tell you things I've never told anyone. My heart is open and raw. Others are sensing it or have seen glimpses of it. It has been positive overall, but I'm know I'm standing at the beginning. I'm trying so hard, I'm trying to trust you and God but it is so difficult for me sometimes. I know God wants me to do this, He wants me to heal, He wants me to open up to you, yet I struggle with it. I want to run away, shut down, and rebuild my walls; but I don't want to let Him or me down. I gave you my heart...please don't break it. You're never far from my thoughts and you're always in my prayers. I love you so much, T. Sometimes when I hug you, I don't want to let go. I wish you could just hold me like a mother would her child and comfort me. My mom couldn't and can't do that for me. I always let you go because I don't want you to think I'm some kind of freak or sexually attracted to you. During the session when you sat with me on the couch, I wanted to just lean over and put my head on your shoulder or grab your hand and hold it, but I was afraid you'd reject me. Do I ever affect you like *client* affected me? Do you ever think of me outside of these four walls? Do you see me as a person, not just a client? Have I managed to get into your heart? Please drop the therapeutic shield and tell me the truth; then you can put it back up.