Another vote for the "you need to be a writer" comment above. Based on how well you write and how aware you are of your own issues, I'd probably say you may may just be a bit too smart for your own good. Unforunately, this means you probably think way too much about stuff and tend to turn positive situations into negative ones with all the logic needed to convince yourself that you're justified and correct. Beauty really is subjective....for example, I love exotic looking men...dark hair, dark eyes, interesting features (I much prefer a big nose to something cute and feminine). I think this is because I like what is opposite to what I grew up with. As contrast, my boyfriend (who is foreign and exotic), loves the girl-next-door look that many American or N. European women have...the women from his country that I find so amazingly beautiful leave him cold....so, believe your boyfriend when he tells you that he's attracted to you...because self-confidence will only make you more appealing in his eyes. I remember losing weight once thinking it would make me more attractive to a man I was dating....I was crushed (but kind of relieved) when he told me he preferred me the other way. I said something like, "that's so strange that you prefer me fat." He replied with something like "Must be a messed up world when a guy is considered strange if he actually prefers a woman to have curves and look like a woman."