Ipod1, I'm sorry you're feeling so bad.

I think if your mood and thoughts change profoundly, it can be very scary and we might feel sometimes as if we are a different person - and usually not a person we want to be! Yes, I've had scary thoughts and emotions can become very overwhelming when they become dark and one-sided.

I wouldn't be able to say for sure whether you have or don't have schizophrenia, especially because I don't know very much about what thoughts and emotions you have.
However, I can relate as I've mentioned above and I don't have schizophrenia.

Keep describing your symptoms to your doctor and therapist.

I don't know whether this helps, but I feel maybe it feels at least a little bit better when you know you're not all alone in this!

Post as much as you like and I do hope that you and your doctor / therapist will come up with a way forward very soon.

Hugs from Shadow-world