I have a lot of trouble getting my head around the therapeutic relationship. The feeling that it is real yet unreal. If you are the kind of person who has trouble with emotional regulation - ie: strongly negative feelings towards somebody, strongly positive or total apathy, I think transference in therapy is like some kind of exposure therapy. So, like any relationship where the other person is initially really warm, accepting, caring and empathetic towards you, you are going to think the very best of your T. You get to be head over heels for your T, then the cardinal rule of therapy "don't touch" ensures you can never act on it (not even a hug if you've got a really 'by the book' one). Then they encourage you to fantasize about them, well how can fantasizing end in anything but rejection? Because if the fantasy is about being with them, reality will ultimately creep into your fantasy and snuff it out. If you're the kind of person who will make some kind of advance, your therapist is morally bound to reject you. Or maybe you're so distrustful, you don't say a word about your feelings, even if they are intensely positive. So they will eventually die, the conversations will go downhill and you will feel like they're about to abandon you just like everybody else. So, at some point - all roads lead to rejection. So if you're emotionally dysregulated, one of your huge fears is rejection (because most people run away from you). And here you are - feeling it big time.

It's like they are giving you a massive, massive dose of your worst phobia....but then what - how the heck do they get you out of it?

Can anybody relate to this?