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I am so sorry that you are going through all of that... I am very depressed myself and can only imagine how you feel. First of all, know that suicide is not the answer; every time I am sad and the thought of ending it all crosses my mind, I think of a quote I once read that says "May today there be peace within you. May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be." I am not sure if you are a religious person, but everything happens for a reason and God doesn't give us more than what we can handle. You sound like a very strong and giving person, and whoever doesn't see that is not worth your time. I am not sure of what advice to give you so you do not feel sad or empty any more, as I feel the same way myself. I also lost my best friend and feel as lonely as I can feel. These forums have helped me realize that I am not the only one going through bad stuff, and that everything will pass. Feel proud of yourself for everything you have accomplished, for being independent, for having your own business, and for loving your mother despite her bad decisions. Don't feel bad because your family didn't include you on the trip, you are a better person because you chose to forgive. I am sure you will find a great place to live, you just have to keep looking; maybe the place that you were trying to rent was just not meant to be for you, and something better will come... so will better friends and a partner that knows how to value you and accepts you for who you are. In regards to your weight, try to eliminate the junk food, and if you feel like you can't stop eating, just have a little bit of it instead of the whole thing. Eliminating junk food makes a big difference. Also, exercising at least 15 minutes a day will make a difference, and it will also make some of your stress go away. You'll get tired so you will feel a bit more relaxed... zumba is a lot of fun, you should try it. Try not to cry any more, sometimes it feels good to let it out but it is not good when you cry all the time. Try to read self-help books or inspirational books to get your mind off of things. I also suggest to try meditation or yoga. Whenever I feel like I want to cry, I try to think about something else, about things that make me happy like my dogs or my baby niece... I just try to think about something else and shake the bad thoughts and feelings off. Remember that you have no control about others or about your surroundings, you only have control over yourself and nothing else. I am sorry I was unable to give you better advice, but these are just some things that I have been doing myself to try to get out of my depression... hopefully they will help you at least a bit. Things will get better and know that you are not alone.
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