thank you both. It's been a long day, I went to work at 3:20 in the morning, slept a little while the company drove, and then started to work at 5 am. Had a nap on the way back form our location, and have been up ever sense. It's now 12:16 at night, and yes I'm tired but I'm also distracted. On the way back from shopping (my sister drove, and the place we went is a half hour from our home), I had repeated "flashes" of the car going of the road, and not to mention the snow didn't help at all. Now I'm just trying to get through the night.

I do hide my feelings from everyone, because that's what I learned as a kid. I never saw my parents mad, or sad. Just them being them. I had thought that hiding them was a good thing, but now, not so much. It's a good thing to notice, but at the same time, it's putting me in a hard position. The only way I get the feelings out is... well there's writing/journaling but that doesn't do enough anymore. I used music before, and now I just don't play very often.

And it doesn't help that I ordered something online,and it's missing... (sent to the wrong address) I just hope my parents can find and track it down. But I feel like an idiot for not looking... oh wait, that's the programming for ebay.

It's not a good night, or a good past few hours. I just... the only thing that might work is SI. not the best coping skill but for tonight it may just help to keep me some what safe. and tomorrow I'll write more, and try and play music... and see if it will help... I hope... or if needed I"ll call a friend tomorrow night and hope that he can talk.

And do a puzzle, and shovel snow tomorrow morning.