There are no shady business dealings involved. It's a regular, boring, legitimate business. He handles the American side of the business while the partner handles the other side in their home country. In fact, the partner's parents came for part of the trip, and they help run the overseas part of the business. The partner's parentd stayed at his house as well for the first two weeks of the visit and, of course, there was no smoking at all during that time. I've been with him on business trips here in the U.S. and have met many of his American colleagues both at their places of business and at a convention in Miami last year. It's definitely not a 9 to 5 corporate job, but I can assure you that he's not involved with anything illegal or even shady.

The smoking pot bothers me but only now that the friend/partner is here. Usually, he only smokes a few puffs off a joint (never the whole thing) to unwind...honestly seems to be equivalent to having a glass or two of wine, and many folks I know in the corporate world do pretty much the same thing (big article a few years back about female executives smoking from time to time to deal with stress was very enlightening). But, now that the partner is here, it's very different and that is what concerns me. It's just that the amount and frequency has increased during this time to the point that there is a difference in his personality when he smokes....before, he only had enough to relax; now, sometimes, he actually gets a bit stoned. Strangely enough, I think I'd actually benefit from smoking a bit from time to time (I can be very high strung and anxious during periods of high stress) but it's a promise that I made to someone when I was young and a promise that I want to honor. I'm not a big drinker either and, notwithstanding the legality issue, I see a few drinks and a smoke as somewhat equivalent.

And, you are right, the decisions that affect my life are actually what bother me the most. To tell you the truth, I'm a bit torn (and struggle with whether I'm being fair and rational about all of this)...for almost two years, this has been a fairly normal relationship and I've pretty much had him to myself. He has a few good friends here and I'm almost always invited along when he spends time with them...He goes with me to all of my family events and even suffers through stuff I like that I know are not his style (think modern dance performances and art shows). But, for the last two months, our entire relationship has changed. He says it's a bit out of his hands and it's not like he's been on vacation at some exotic location during this time. He just seems to have a very hard time finding a good compromise with regard to allocating his time. He's asked me to be patient and I would love to say that I've been able to honor that request. But I'm reacting to how big a change it has been...from spending all day every weekend together to only spending one night a week is a big change for me and I'm not handling it very well. He has not seen his parents since a year ago August, and I would never begrudge him a trip like this...it's just that we've now spent two months being a bit tense over the current situation and I'm already feeling a bit abandoned or, at best, a bit left out of his life.

As for running off with the kids, neither one of us has any and there is no plan to have them in the future. We're in our late 30s/early 40s. I would never talk to the ex-wife....they did not part amicably as she cheated on him with a colleague of hers while they were in counseling toward the end of their marriage. She's a very successful professional who put her career first during their marriage (they moved 3 times during their 6 year marriage just for school and her career). I would be curious as to her take on the business partner (she's also American and she and I seem to have some other similarities) but I'd never reach out to her out of respect for him.