Why does stress get me so bad? Why can't I stop crying almost daily?
Why can't I sleep? AAAAAAAAAAA! I hate my stupid annoying life. My appartment with no wash machine and dryer or bath tub. My crappy job. My overly nosey insurance company. My original T who didn't pre-certify. My compulsive need for hugs. My ex-boyfriend who calls me almost every night. AAA! My amazing ability to stick guilt to do with my great aunt's death in my black hole of denial (June '05). I still don't make what I did in 2003 until the lay-off. My cat was diagnosed with diabetes in Nov. 2004. I started school in August of 2004. I am working 30 hours a week and 6 credit hours of classes. Grandma's death (Jan. 06) which brought the guilt out all the way. My company selling itself. What's going to happen when the new company takes over? I make less and have to spend more. Don't forget that now I have a co-pay to talk to a T. My other grandma getting robed by her own grandson! I think I am getting my penalty for ranting--another headache. Oh well, I haven't had one today or did I? I think I might have had one at work.
Why does my boss try to order me to be a positive thinker? I gave myself a headache trying to be a positive thinker. I mean my inner T is back on line. But, it is not fully back up to full steam. I tried to do a reality test and couldn't hardly get if off the ground. I used to be good at perception shifts, correcting for negative thinking and reality testing. But, I can't hardly get if off the ground now. Am I depressed instead of just an adjustment disorder? I think it is just plain old depression since I have changed some "nos." to "yeses." But, I have chickened out of asking T. Why does stress get to me? What the heck took my inner T off-line? The guilt? It did overwhelm in an odd way when grandma's death forced me to stop sticking it back in my black hole of denial. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I wish I could sleep like this.