You turn them into a life-project!

One doesn't really know how much time one has left; I've read where up until age 60 genetics matters but after that you are your own person. I'm struggling with some of the same issues you appear to be too with getting older; I just realized the big difference and why I feel I am "wiser" than I was in my youth is that before retiring, one is looking forward; you look forward to school, job, marriage, family, becoming a master at one's calling, even working to save enough for retirement and retiring successfully. But then you retire and what is there in front? Not a whole lot other than working as hard as you wish on health and fitness abilities, enjoying friends and family, and puzzling it all out -- as well as taking up any new or old interests one has and having the luxury of spending as much time on them as one wishes (with nice naps in-between sessions perhaps :-)

Now I'm looking back, I can see this 60+ year glorious expanse behind me, know what I "should" have done etc. That's a whole different perspective; I thought I understood older age, I mean I watched my grandparents and parents age and die, etc. what's to "understand". You read the articles about failing abilities and think you know but then the constant aches and pains set in and you begin to realize (again in my case, always again :-) that reading is not the same as experience! You cannot "know" something you have not experienced (or tried, in the case of whether you like/do not like a particular vegetable :-) Now I get it and only had to live 60+ years for that experience.

What is so bad or wrong about having psychological problems, perhaps depression to work on in your old age? How is that different from my anxiety over my husband dying before me (he's 7 years older than I am) and how will I cope anxieties? I don't understand our finances; I "understand" them, have an accounting background and work history as well as a couple college degrees but I don't work with them and don't know how my husband's complex spreadsheets work or much of anything about investment; he's been working to invest well for us for the last 15-20 years; how can I ever understand that so when he dies or is disabled suddenly I can cope?

I imagine I'll cope. I do have 60+ years of coping experience, I'm an expert at coping and imagine you are too, Ygrec! Too, I know me better now and know I can tackle my anxieties and work on their center and make my own plan for what I'll do and learn enough of where the money is and how it shows up; it's not like it is going to suddenly change just because my life will so drastically change? My fear of my husband leaving me alone is not related to my money suddenly acting strange and walking out on me :-) I'll have a year or probably a whole lot more before what my husband has studied to make work well starts to gradually slide and I have grown sons and brothers, brother-in-laws and a couple family lawyers and accountants I can ask for help from if I need it; lots of people I can and do trust to help me if I study the situation and find I cannot understand it.

What is different now, Ygrec, that has changed in your life in only a year's time? Only how you think about things and that's all you, and you can change that again, on a whim if you want. You can decide to take up sea shell collecting if it strikes your fancy and plot how you'll get to various beaches to collect different kinds (for awhile, 20 or so years ago I ended up collecting "sand" from different beaches and had one friend who would faithfully bring me a baggie back from whatever beach she'd visited; all my other work friends thought that was funny so started bringing me sand too from their vacations :-)

I'm fighting with my doctor about high blood pressure and love the experience :-) The blood pressure cuff, the sphygmomanometer, causes excruciating pain on my arm which shoots my blood pressure up, you see the problem? So, I take and record my own blood pressure for 2-4 weeks before I go see him with an expensive, computer wrist model and make him accept those numbers. They aren't the greatest though, because of age, but I like them better than the medication options at the moment and studying blood pressure and the meds and how to naturally lower it, etc. has been a great "hobby" for the last couple years, that and other aspects of my health.

Getting older is certainly not all fun and games but it never has been, for any one at any time. I think your "coasting" for 4-5 years dream is just that; don't think that ever happens for anyone? I have "enough" money and a great marriage and home and friends and family but I'm definitely not coasting; have worries and anxieties and difficulty sleeping and times I think it is all going to come down on my head like a card house!