Silent Tsol-- perhaps the whole running away thing after he does something so nice and caring, is the thing of getting close, and losing him in the end

I can do this with my boyfriend's mom that I have noted conciously.. She is nice, she hugs me bye, she says it has been a pleasure seeing me and to come back-- and I poke her with a stick and still stay distant.
My thing is that I don't want to get close, for fear of having to lose someone again- and to lose a mom figure that is a good person- that would just hurt

The thing is -- my fear and poking the stick is actually making that a reality in ways--- I hope ten years from now I am still now doing this to her-.. It is ok to let people get close I keep telling me It is very hard but it is-- and I guess the idea of what happens happens-- is another thing- we can not predict the future

I am not sure if this relates to you but hugs to you-- I am sorry you are having a difficult time

Also when my boyfriend gets too -- well I guess caring I get suspicious as in- what did he do, what does he want and so on-- I realize that this is me and my cycle with my past and family--- my boyfriend is his own individual- just due to I had many hurt me in the past that should had been close and not, does not mean that this person that I observed for years and finally got together with, will do the same

Best wishes- I do wish you well and a huge hug to you!

Stay grounded