I have a couple of friends who are doing EMDR therapy--you may want to look it up. I'm currently waiting for my insurance to kick in so I can find an EMDR therapist to work through my PTSD. I totally get what you mean when you say "but i know in subconscious, it is still there, and refuses to leave....." Thank you for writing that. No matter how well everything is going, how healthy or not healthy I am, not matter how thin or fat I am, or how well my life may be going, I still feel terrible deep down inside. I need to get rid of that doubt and move on with my life so I can be the best I can be. I appreciate your post!