my question to you open eyes is...

with all this pondering...about the bad, & upsets in your past...what do you do for fun? to relax? to enjoy? no in the past, but now? what brings you peace?

& do you actively partake of it?

yes you have had some misfortunes..but honestly...some of these events can occur regardless of if your neighbors dogs got loose, or your lawyer is memory deficient, or your t is dimwitted, etc. these things happen to everyone...at some point you need to find a release valve...what do you do to release?

not sit by the computer & spout the story, or help others, or read everything there is to be found on ptsd...what would you do if there was no ptsd? walk, photography, ride, what?

what do you enjoy? & why don't you do it? i never hear of anything you do NOW that you enjoy...surely there is 20 minutes in your day for you. any t worth their salt will tell you to make time for yourself. any reading you have done will tell you the same.

so, what do you do? the posts are always negative...long,...how about one that is positive...i went for a walk in the woods, i took some photo's, i rode my horse...etc. that will do as much towards healing you as sitting with a t.

i challenge you to do something positive for yourself. ..that doesn't involve sitting in front of the computer rehashing the ptsd stuff or even helping others. research will tell you that exercise releases seratonin which will make you feel better..20 minutes/day...it's cold & crappy...go to a mall & walk or a museum...swim, but do something you enjoy...step away from the negative...

i bet it will make a world of difference in your sense of self.

no tell me you can't do it because of:

cost, work, $$, why?

if your healing is so important to you as you claim it is then wouldn't just 20 minutes be worth it. try it. step away from the ptsd for a little each day by enjoying life.