I'm just typing now to pass the time and to keep me from picking up that razor blade. I tried going to bed early to keep from feeling this way, but I ended up waking 2 hours later and sick to my stomach, panicky, nervous. The same feeling that always proceeds the event. I think the only reason I won't do it tonight is because of my three year old son. Last time I cut only once on my arm, so it could easily be written off as a simple scratch. But the boy fussed over it until it healed. Asking, "you okay? You need a bandaid and cream? Boo Boo hurt?" ugh, I felt so bad. My husband asked, "you aren't cutting again are you?" I brushed him off, "pssh no." I was embarrassed I did it over something that seems so stupid. I can't do it again because then he'll know...especially since it would be followed by the fight we had today. I just need to go to bed. I don't want to see him. I want to be asleep before he gets home from work, but I doubt my mind will let me.