Thanks everyone.

SunAngel - I'm sorry you're having a tough time too. Christmas is sort of a mixed bag sometimes. It can be warm and fuzzy, looking at the lights and snuggling under a blanket with my kids. But it can also be a very dark time, with high expectations and a lot of baggage along with it.

I wish I could cry. I want to be able to sob uncontrollably and get all of this out. That's part of what I was trying to get at earlier this month when I let some of the melancholy in. I wasn't exactly expecting the thoughts of suicide to follow (and I really have no desire to die), but I was prepared for it to be a possibility. Like many of us, this is a fight I have been fighting for many, many years and I'm just not sure it's a fight I will ultimately win.

I'll be okay, it's just something I need to process. And if I have to process part of it inpatient, then that's what I'll have to do.

Sending everyone gentle hugs to help us all get through this time.