I think being emotionless while you tell the story might be helpful for a first pass through the material. Just getting it out can be so hard. Then you could return later and tell again while allowing yourself to feel. If you are wanting there to be a chance that this is your last time through the material, then I think you should allow your feelings to come up. Otherwise, sometime in the future, I think you will "feel the need to tell your story again." Allowing yourself to feel while your T is there can be so healing. Your T will also help you contain and that can be helpful too. (By contain, I don't mean suppress but help keep your ego from disintegrating. I am including a link below on containment in therapy.) Your T can make it safe to reveal and feel. If you are not feeling safe, maybe you can discuss that with her and learn how she will help and she can learn better what you need in order to feel safe. I think it is a very good thing to discuss the klonopin question with her. What are you afraid will happen if you don't take klonopin while you tell? Maybe your T can help you with whatever you are afraid will happen if you don't take the drug. Maybe it will indeed be helpful for the first time through, then later return and tell the story drug-free with full feelings present.



Containment in psychotherapy:
http://www.myshrink.com/counseling-theory.php?t_id=32