I started a puzzle... I just wish it helped a bit more. no one irl knows what really is going on. I haven't told anyone. and what's worse is the snow that has fallen... I don't like driving in the snow, due to the simple fact that my mind wonders to sui more often. Most likely due to the second night when this depression/sui stuff started. That night I wanted to drive into the creek on the way home after telling a friend and co-worker about what had happened as I was making a sandwich for someone. It was a bad night, and it's stuck in my memory all these years. It could be a conditioned response... I don't know.

I did find a DBT book at the library, and I hope I can get myself to use the book.... Right now, movies are a distraction... only a tiny one. I'll try reading later, and maybe music... but it's getting myself to do these things which makes it really hard... I will be with friends tonight, and it may distract me.... I just don't want to tell anyone what's going on.