Hey everyone...

Im 22 , work part time, live with my parents, sometimes go to school..

let me tell you who i used to be..
I was an outgoing person, always had my head up, cocky .. proud to be me, felt that i had the world in my hands, thought that i had come to this world for something important.. believer in god, loved to do fun activities.. had a great humor ! love to dress up everywhere i went.. loved to travel, go shopping .. movies etc...

heres a background of my parents
dad: chill guy, hardworker, social great dad..
mom: always yelling, complaining, negative tells me i cant do this, that i always give up that i wasnt meant for whatever.. never been close to her.

I recently told my parents i was gay..
i come from a catholic hispanic culture so it was a big hit..
mom still cries about it dad just seems confused..

i had a girlfriend for a year and a half .. ups n down but i loved her n she loved me.. she was in mexico though n i couldnt really go see her as many times as i wanted.. she was my everything.. everyday i would wake up with a smile on my face.. go to work motivated thinking that that money was going to be when we lived together.. we motivated each other but distance started to be an issue.. we took a break cus we would just blowup over the fact that we wouldnt see each other.. i started talking to someone during that time..
she treated me like **** n played me.. why i dont know..! she was a bad person.. n i did my best to get her out of bad habits.. after letting go of this person she begged me back cus her life was a mess without me.. shes been great since then.. BUT ive felt empty..
I love my exgirlfriend.. but im afraid she doesnt want me back n i wouldnt want to hurt her.. i dont want to hurt my current girlfriend but its hard to be the same person..

ive had nightmares for 1 month n a half now straight !i cry for no reason..
i feel ugly, fat... complete low self asteem .. i dont want to do anything , my parents arent really helping they always kept me in a bubble .. to the point that i cant go to the movies after 10om because its too dangerous..
they act different cus i told them i was gay.. which i understand that part..
i dont like shopping no more.. everything just feels so blaaaah ! so empty !
i was always creative.. loved to paint n make things now i cant.. i have headaches constantly.. i have suicidal thought of me or others.. it might just be for a second but i still have them.. i dont care anymore.. i feel like im worthless n if i die today or tomorrow it wouldnt matter..
im not myself .. and i dont know if im gonna be able to find it..
i need help ! i think im going crazy .. n im scared.