B****y rant. Sorry.

I was chatting online with this guy I've known since high school. He knows about my depression and anxiety and says he understands. He has a couple of SI scars from back when he was a teenager, and so he thinks he's been through exactly the same thing as I have. But that HE got over it - so naturally, I should get over it too.

If he HAD been through the same thing as me, I'm sure he wouldn't keep saying the things he does. Going through an teenage-angst-fuelled experimental 'goth' phase is not the same thing as long term clinical depression, IMO.

This whole conversation started because he asked if I'd been drinking - no, because I'm on antidepressants. He seemed to think this would be a temporary thing, so I told him that there's a chance I could be on medication for life - because some people have naturally lower mood, and maybe I was one of those people, based on my experiences so far... He then got into this whole THING about me always thinking the worst case scenario -- say what? Being medicated so I can be happy is not the worst case scenario as I see it.

He continued:
"You'll be on antidepressants for no longer than it takes you to get better, which will not be for life... It's easier to lie and medicate than it is to solve. Persevere, don't look for excuses and shrug this **** off."

Me:
"I'm not looking for excuses or trying to shrug anything off! I'm getting treatment - all the treatment I can find or resource"

Him:
"I sincerely believe that this is just a trough, a down spike, for you. It'll hurt and it'll suck but you'll come out of it knowing what such places are like and it'll give you resolve."

Me:
"its not something I can 'snap out of' because I have the will or resolve... This could be a longterm battle, it already has been..."

Him:
"Speaking as someone who's been depressed, I know the allure of being a tragic figure. I know the idea of wallowing in misery, when you're down, is attractive."

Me:
"What..? Please tell me you're kidding. I don't want to be this way. You think this is for attention? This is not attractive. I never wanted to be a tragic figure!"

Him:
"I know, but I keep saying "it's going to pass" and you keep saying "This may be forever". Well **** you, hun (totally still love you) but shut that **** up. I know how you are, been there myself. But I want you to look to the future and have faith and hope in your own strength and ability. I don't want to hear you giving me the worse case scenario."

Me:
"You know how hard I've tried to fight this? How my health has declined, how I didn't know what the **** was happening, how I still don't? The docs STILL don't know if my real problem is physical or psychological - because psychological problems create physical symptoms and vice versa... I struggled so hard to keep everything going, but my own body and mind let me down in a way I still can't quite grasp, or understand, or really explain... I'm not saying that this is forever, but I may have to stay on meds long term - I'm not saying I'll be depressed forever, I'm saying I may need to be treated for depression on a continuing basis in order to control it - and that's not the worst case scenario, it's just an option, a strategy... for living!"

Him:
"it's a possibility you may be eaten by a pack of escaped coyotes tomorrow. You making plans for that?"

Me:
"You think i'm weak. You think I'm wallowing. You think I 'want' to be this way..."

Him:
"Nope. I think depression makes despair and despondency seem rational. I was just trying to help, clearly it's not working."

Me:
"You can't just 'inspire' me to get better with a few philosophical words! I can't think my way out of this just like that. My problems are deep and complex, which is why I'm seeking treatment from experts. I already have a therapist, I already have a doctor. I just need you to be a friend and hear me - not try to 'help' me by pointing out what my 'problem' is..."


Aaaand so on. Ugh. Ever just feel totally and completely misunderstood?
This friend just seems to have THE knack for saying THE wrong thing to me lately. Of course it could be because I'm an irritable depressive with very little patience right now...? I'm so frustrated with this illness - almost as frustrated as I am of trying to justify it, explain it, justify myself, explain myself...

Can anyone relate?