first off.... i have this new headache in my temple that is sharp and stabbing for a mintute to five, but goes away after a moment, tho it keeps coming back.
Along with many other problems going...
and cold turkeying quite a few meds... since lastnight...

I'm dissociating in the sence like i just went into a horrible night mare and everything turned awful and everyone is hating me.. not really... but its almost like my mind gets this ... reasoning about it, and starts believing this is death.. and we died somewhere along the way... and its just are mind going on... this hasn't happened for years like this.. both other times... were the last time we lived here too... and it used to happen frequently when i was a little kid.. (to me this is the most scareyiest of all forms that i go through...)
I feel like this is all like... a nightmare.. or dream... slight dissocation where i'm out of my body and questioning if its reality or a dream and such happen on occations... but on normal it doesn't get this bad.. then i'm fighting to keep control... it feels like i'm scattered everywhere in my brain, and i'm trying hard and despritely to hold it all together, and it keeps slipping out of my hands as i keep trying to stay grounded and keep trying to grab on to the pieces and hold on tight. It was getting there before we were taken off meds yesterday cold turkey. But... i was just noticing things were starting to get out of controll.... and i couldn't keep control... and i saw it becoming a problem... but then... i cant get therapy for it right now.. im too scared to mention it... I'm too scared what those i live with will do..
and this cold turkey-ing it didn't help one bit in that area of things.. now what little hold i had on things and was going to hold off until it was safe is now loose and i can't do anything..

I dont know what is safer now... i'm left trying to rethink my decision. but then i am in a constant fight to get my feeling real, and keep from feeling like i just sliped out of reality... that... has caused a big problem in me deciding on what is safer now.. but i've started thinking.. if this keeps up... and i can't get some firm grip on this thing... it'd be safer bringing it out into the open..
within... i know i have to be strong... i know i have to do what i must.. i got myself into this mess by coming back... and i'm left to get myself out...