I'm 20 years old and I'm a sophomore in college, I just finished my 1st semester which has been especially tough for me. I have never been diagnosed with depression, I have been diagnosed with anxiety and am on medication for that and my doctor has recently raised my dose since "it seems like my anxiety has begun to cause depression." But what my doctor doesn't know is that I've been pretty depressed since I was like fifteen but it's been recently getting worse. I cannot remember the last time I've been actually happy or excited. And recently things have been getting worse and there are days when I just can't bring myself to get out of bed and I just don't want to talk to anyone or even eat and it seems like throughout the semester these days got more and more common and because of this my grades have started to suffer. For years I completely covered all this up and wouldn't tell anyone but recently I've began to tell some of my close friends some of my problems but they kinda just act awkward and change the subject so I'm thinking they don't really want to know and I've also told my mom a little of what I've been feeling and she wants me to feel better but I think shes kind of hoping it will just go away ( which I understand because there have been times when I've felt better and have told my self that from now on I'd never let myself get like that again, but it always comes back.) But what I really want to say is that I think I'm ready to get help now, it's just not easy to do. And my problem is I kind of want to take a semester off of school, I just feel like I need sometime to figure myself out without the stress of school and I also feel like being around parties and alcohol isn't what's best for me at this time. But I don't know if this is the right thing to do and I'm scared about what my friends who don't know about any of this will think and I'm also scared I wont be able to go back to school after this semester.
I guess I'm just looking for advice or something, I don't know... and sorry this was so long and rambly. I just felt like I needed to tell someone.