The BP2 diagnosis did not occur until around 2005. So, while I did let partners know that mental illness ran in the family, I had no real reason to discuss my own condition with anyone (I guess that's part of the condition too, it makes you myopic about your own condition) until relatively recently. It is very hard to talk to people about my mother's multiple suicide attempts and my brother's successful suicide attempt; then, as now, it just seems like it will frighten the hell out of people. For instance, I have been able to tell my fiancee about my brother but not about my mother, except in general terms. I also told her about my bipolarity and my probs with alcohol.

The resentment with regard to my father is not so much his persistence in pushing lithium at me or my being honest with my loves about my issues but the fact that he never asks me directly any of the questions that a person who wanted to understand me better would ask , he simply assumes things; it makes me really question whether he actually WANTS to know my thoughts...more often than not, I have to assume that he DOES NOT. And so it goes...we talk THROUGH each other and frankly, he only hears what he wants to. I pride myself on being a good listener but I'm not going to do all the work. It's really an untenable situation and of course my poor mother is right in the middle of it. Christmas is not happening this year for us, though we might salvage New Year's...it sucks.