The part about shredding the checks really struck me. I remember an essay by Catherine MacKinnon (who has written many things in the area of feminist jurisprudence), where she wrote about the Playboy Foundation and their willingness to fund research on the harms caused by pornography. Seems a little odd, no, like Hershey's funding diabetes research? But her objection to feminists taking Playboy's money was not rooted in the idea that their money was "dirty". Rather, she thought that people were deluding themselves if they thought that the money could actually undercut the power and legitimacy of that social institution. Instead, she argued, you really become part of the institution and the legitimizing of it.

Maybe this is a strange analogy, but I think that when you shredded her checks, and less symbolically-- the way you protect your child-- you also shredded the last of the power she holds over you.

Anne