Don't know where to post this but...

After a horrible, miserable day- i've come to the conclusion that i do this to myself. Whether i do it because i'm trying to make up for Christmas past or my perceived belief of what Christmas should be or some other warped reason. i am at the root of my own despair.

i build up false expectations and set up a fairy tale scenerio that i know will/can never happen. And then i feel like a failure, unworthy & unloved. i drive myself into such a state that i begin to berate myself over every holiday that wasn't perfect and review all my short comings. It spreads to how i've been a failure my whole life, etc., etc.

i know this about myself--i must remind myself of this. Tomorrow is going to be a new day. i will not let: should be's, negativity & self pity to ruin the day. i will be grateful for what i do have and have the best Christmas possible.