This I understand too well. And the desire to just have the thoughts stop is very strong, but we are here for you. I take it, distractions aren't helping at all right now. If they are great!! Have you tried typing/writing something and then destroying it (sheder or not even saving it) about all of the flashbacks, and thoughts associated with the past. It could help, it's worth trying.

Or try and focus on helping your daughter to have a good Christmas, ask her what she wants to do, and then be with her. It will be hard, but if you start serving her, it could just help you...

I hope you can handle this, I know you can!!!