Quote:
Originally Posted by LydiaB
Sometime within the next two weeks I will go to my first ever trauma inpatient, a place on the east coast.
General psych units make me worse. I am terrified, because I know it will not be easy. Basically my entire psychiatric background has been me keeping my head above the water, but still fitting in below the radar. It's a constantly balance, telling just enough so I don't kill myself, but not enough to allow anyone near me. I know that I will no longer be allowed to stay below the radar, but I reassure myself knowing that I will also not have to tread water constantly, just to stay alive. My head is a system of loops, mazes, secrets and confusion. But on the outside I remain calm. I cannot keep the composure much longer.
I am glad that I have never had to go to a trauma unit before. I have come close many times. I am glad because I really wasn't ready for it and I am now. I don't think I knew to what extent I was sick before and I think finding out too early could have proved detrimental to my own mental health.
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I am happy for you lydia. you have posted in the past few weeks that inpatient was what you wanted but your treatment team would not go for it. they were focused on keeping you out patient and other uphill battles with your treatment team.
inpatient at trauma centers and mental health units did not help me and my insiders but of course everyone has their own ways they handle trauma and how they need to and choose to work on their issues.
I wish you well and I hope you have the outcome you are looking for by finally being able to go inpatient and will be thinking about you while you are gone. check in with us if you can.