Back when I was a drinking alcoholic, I used to say that about drinking myself into a blackout vs sui. I sobered up before I drank myself to death. I guess in a way that's what you're looking for by fighting the urge to overdose tonight--another way to survive.

I really feel for you. I remember those physical feelings in the chest & gut when I had to turn off that tape in my head--MAKE IT SHUT UP!

I hope you'll get therapy as well as meds. If you have a T, maybe you need more support, more coping skills, even a different T. I'm pulling for you, tonight and down the road.