I do have that fear sometimes...not as much as I used to, but still occasionally. It used to be a HUGE HUGE fear of mine.

It's kind of interesting that the longer I've been in therapy, the smaller that fear has become. Doesn't that seem kind of backwards? Maybe it's because that fear was based on things from my past...and I'm learning from T that in the present, it's okay for me to be there. Maybe?

I do ask T about it. I used to ask SO much that he would just throw it into phone messages, conversations, etc..."and no, I'm not going to refer you". I needed to hear it about 5485290579408 times and then EXPERIENCE not being sent away to even begin that he would let me stay.

You're definitely, definitely not alone.