Teary_me, Very sorry you are feeling so low. You have been here a long time. You are one of the wise ones we all learn from. Try to push your depression back, try not to let it take controle over your mind. Push Push.... You know what you have posted is all false. You are important to many not just here. Push Push ...... It back into the darkness it is coming from. If you can not push it back anymore get help, you know the drill. I to have been in your shoes more than ones. I too had a very hard time pushing back, I went to the hospital. The only place I felt I could be safe. Please take care of yourself. Push Push.....and keep Pushing......... You know that you can do this. I know that you can. Wish I could be there for you to help push but all I can do is do this through PC. So now I am pushing with you, you are now not alone. We can push togeither.....