(((Trippin))) - I know how you feel. And I sometimes wonder the same thing about myself. I recently reread some of my journals and it really is the same thing, over and over, throughout the years. But the periods in between the dark times help me survive. I also have kids and there is a sense of, maybe not guilt per se, but certainly having a duty to be here for my daughters. My kids are 10 and 13. The 10 yr old is very attached to me and I know with almost certainty that she wouldn't survive my suicide in the long run. So I keep going and revel in the fresh raspberries, meteor-watching, sparkling crystalline snow, purring cats and children's snuggles that I am privilege to in the between times.

I have also chased after dreams and accomplishments and lost them, twice now actually. But I take comfort in the fact that, despite the hand I've been dealt in life, I was able to accomplish what I did and maintained things for as long as I did. And I have no idea what new goals I will develop for the future. And yes, there is some hesitation in thinking about future goals when there are times I'm just trying to get through the day.

I also feel alone at times. There are a few people I can really share things with, but not very many. Sometimes these thoughts and feelings can be very scary for other people who may not know how to handle them and some people just like to go through life with blinders on and ignore any negative emotions in themselves or others. Coming here helps.

So, I guess I bother because I know there are good times and they temper the bad. I try to enjoy the simple things and go easy on myself when I have a bad day. Or week.

Your mood today is "in love". Can you talk a little about that person? It may just be your reason to bother for today.