Quote:
Originally Posted by PurpleFlyingMonkeys
***TRIGGER WARNING***
Somewhat graphic...
A very small history on me... Was dx'd DID in 2001. The incident that brought about the split was when I was 4. My fathers idea of fun one day was to force me to sit in on a game of russian roulette with him and his two friends. The split happened when he made me pull the trigger on myself. I wont get into the rest but that was my first blackout and the beginning of many to come.
So my problem now is... I was out drinking a few nights ago. I am a social drinker, only once every month or two and hardly ever to get drunk any more. But the other night I got beyond drunk. The night was flying by, we were all having a great time. Of course with drinking I only remembered bits and pieces of the night. I hadn't had too much to drink but my memory isn't the best as is so it doesn't surprise me that I don't remember much. That's not the problem. The whole night was great and I was finding myself in new places. I would suggest something and the next thing I knew I was there. I was 1/2 there 1/2 somewhere else kind of. I'm hoping those in here understand what I mean by that. It was a good night until...
I was in another 1/2 in 1/2 out state where I didn't really know what I personally was doing but was somewhat aware of my surroundings. Out of no where everyone stops laughing and is saying "What?!?!" I got confused and just looked around, not sure what they were talking about... Apparently I asked them if they wanted to play russian roulette... Oh my goodness!!!
What was that and where did it come from? Was I serious when I said it? I don't remember saying it. I casually tried to play it off and change subject, said I meant "Do ya'll want to play spades?" and they all quickly forgot about it but I didn't... I don't know what to make of this... Would I have started that game and played that horrid game if they would have? Was it just drunk talk? Was it someone else talking? I know no one can answer this but the fact that I said that and don't remember... It worries me...
No drinking for me for a long time I know, that's the least of my worries... Has anything similar happened to anyone else I am wondering? Was it just a slip of the tongue because I was that drunk and wasn't even with it fully, or could it have been the part that was there that day? Or could it have just been old memories surfacing? I'm so lost...
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I went back and read some of your past postings too. you have posted quite an extensive history in your past posts and this one. given what I know from your past postings and this one theres no way to know whether it was your drinking or the dissociation problems.
given your past postings and the information in this posting I can only say about this posting that only a treatment provider in your location can tell you the answers that you seek.
there is a reason why the diagnostics include the criteria that the problems the person has cannot be because the person was using drugs or alcohol. So in diagnosing a persons DID problems alcohol use must be ruled out as being the problem because it makes people do things they sometimes would not otherwise do, makes them have thoughts they wouldnt otherwise have and makes them say things they would not otherwise say if they were not under the influence.
it could also be your dissociative problems. I had alters that made me do and say things I would not have said and done while fully aware, and alters that were different than I am, and alters who's job/purpose it was to do things like re-enact abuse, punish me, commit suicide should key elements be there, ...
only treatment providers near you can answer your questions. have you been able to get in to a treatment provider yet. if I remember right one of your past posts said something about you were looking or found some one.